Stitches (2012) - Leaning into the Absurdity

As a total clown-phobe, when I found out there was a clown-based horror movie staring Luke from the Sarah Jane Adventures, I knew I had to watch it. In terms of absurdity and fun, I certainly wasn't disappointed.

Stitches (2012) starts with the title character (played by Ross Noble), a birthday clown, meeting a grizzly end at a child's birthday party due to the kids tying his laces together. (Seriously, people need to stop loading their dishwashers like they live in the Chucky TV series!) Six years later, the children have grown into angsty teens. When Tom (Tommy Knight) decides to throw a birthday party for the first time since the incident, it brings Stitches the clown back for his revenge.

The film has a surprisingly slow start; really taking its time to show the teens in their natural habitat. It's a bit like watching an episode of Derry Girls, but with a particularly creative balloon-animal-themed hallucination of Tom's. It's main purpose is to establish that the teens, apart from Tom, and love interest Kate (Gemma-Leigh Deveroux), are pretty awful - presumably so you don't feel too bad about their imminent, untimely deaths. (I say pretty awful, but really, they're just awkward teenagers.)

And, like Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Stitches leans heavily into the absurdity of death by clown. Without spoiling too much, these involve balloon animals, bicycle pumps and rabbits. The deaths are much more gruesome than the cheesy tone of the beginning would have you think was coming, and the effects impressive, especially considering the films low budget. It's also a treat to see the behind the scenes footage of these kills during the credits.

What's standout about Stitches is it's use of clown lore: they make use of the clown egg register - though here, the clown's egg is the source of Stitches' power - possibly soul? It's hard not to find a climax in which everyone's battling over an egg to be campy horror fun - there's even a suitably ridiculous line delivered by our heroes before they destroy Stitches' egg!

What makes the absurdity of the plot so delightful is how straight the movie plays it. Yes, of course this small Irish town has a clown crypt, where clowns periodically gather for dark rituals - is this not a common occurrence? It leans into its own absurdity to hit that sweet spot of b-movie enjoyable - and yet, clowns having their own supernatural cult itches that clowns-are-untrustworthy scratch that's the key to clown-based horror. (It's a science, and, with all my research, I'm close to cracking it!)

What lets the movie down is the title character himself. Noble's trying to channel a mix of Freddy Krueger and Chucky energy, and something's not quite working. I suppose it's because both Krueger and Chucky are played as menacing in their first installments, and its only in the later movies of their respective series that they start slinging wisecracks. Here, we're jumping straight to the wisecracks phase, and Stitches hasn't quite earnt his villainously likeable badge yet.

All in all, Stitches is surprisingly worth checking out for a film that knows its fighting an uphill battle to be serious, and has instead decided to roll with the strangeness - colouring itself with black comedy all the way.